Why are Problems Opportunities in Disguise!

Problems are like crowbars and spades. One can use the latter to dig pits and plant fruit saplings which after some years will begin to yield delicious fruits for future generations or one can also use them to dig pits for the purpose of burying landmines and killing people. Likewise we can use our problems either to brighten our future and lift it up or darken it and blow it up. We can use them either as medicines to cure our moral and psychological diseases or make them act as germs to cause more and more diseases.

 
We can use them as sources of positive inspiration for our future activities or as forces to pull us back on to the path of our overall development preventing us from moving forward. We can use them as occasions to look back and rectify our track or as tragedies to push us into unimaginable depths of despair and suffering. Let us not forget that it is when we are tried very badly on account of constant problems, tensions, hardships and difficulties that we begin to search for all the possible powers, skills and abilities that are treasured within us. Joseph Campbell, an American mythologist, writer and lecturer, best known for his work in comparative mythology and comparative religion, has rightly said, “Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.”

Let us never forget that every life-challenging situation has a life-changing solution. Let us hence look upon problems not as blocks to life’s thrills but as pathways to castles of success and excitement. Let us look upon them as effective tools with which we can build up a bright and prosperous future not as strong winds that can disperse and scatter the clouds of success possibilities in the horizons of our respective lives. They do contain within them enlightening, healing, nourishing and strengthening powers which can be visible only to the eyes of hope and optimism.

If we think our future is going to be dark on account of the problems that we face, no amount of light from any number of sources can ever make it bright, causing even the sun, the moon and all the stars to all feel defeated. Likewise if we think that nothing good can happen in our lives on account of the difficulties and problems that we are facing, no amount of external assistance and influence can ever make us believe that difficulties are pathways to the certainty of success and that problems are stepping stones to remarkable achievements.

We need to firmly believe that problems are success opportunities in disguise. While dealing with problems, we ought not to bother about the pricks and pains that we sense from outside. Even pineapples though so sweet and delicious inside are so prickly and unattractive on the outside. With the eyes of hope, wisdom, experience and maturity we must be able to see the treasures of useful hints and suggestions hidden inside each of them. Where there is hope, where there is wisdom, where there is experience and where there is maturity, no one with a problem can feel let down and put down without a constructive solution.

Wise and clever as he was, Hugh Miller, a self-taught Scottish geologist, writer and folklorist was able to speak about problems thus, “Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them.” We must hence feel inspired and motivated to ignore the thorns and grasp only the opportunities.

This Excerpt is taken from the book: Opportunities to Grow and Glow by S.Devraj. To Order this book click here: Available Here!

WELCOME CHANGE AS AN OPPORTUNITY

No one can deny the fact that the circumstances under which we live do change not merely from time to time but from moment to moment and, rightly, we do manage to adapt ourselves to those changes. If our adaptation is right, that’s a good opportunity for us to experience the joy of delightful happenings in our lives.

On the other hand, if our adaptation is wrong, our lot cannot but be the experience of bitterness resulting from painful happenings in our lives. Nido Qubein, the noted American motivational speaker, has rightly said, “Change brings opportunity” – a fact no one can argue about! But do changes always give us opportunities that will honour what is in our minds and take us in that direction?

That of course depends upon — as said earlier — the manner in which we respond to the changes. If the manner is right, the changes will provide us success-opportunities. But if the manner is wrong, the changes will provide us only failure-opportunities.

And so it is that we need to be constantly be aware that change per se never fails to bring with it immense opportunities as well as risks. When the risk is faced and handled judiciously, the opportunity ends in success and jubilation. But if the risk takes the upper hand because we are unable to handle it prudently, opportunity is bound to end up only in failure and frustration.
There will be none to oppose the fact that suitable adaptation to changes is very important in our lives. We must hence learn to adapt ourselves in such a way that whatever happens post-adaptation, happens for our good and the good of everyone around us. That must be our firm belief. We should not at all be afraid of changes. Not all changes are demons, though, most of them coming only as angels. It will not be an exaggeration to say that it is in our hands to make changes act like an-gels or demons.
We must develop a strong belief that changes are always for our good and that they cannot do us harm unless we permit them to do so. In other words if we handle them as we ‘learn to adapt. Things change, circumstances change. Adjust yourself and your efforts to what is presented to you so you can respond accordingly. Never see change as a threat, because it can be an opportunity to learn, to grow, evolve and become a better person.”

This excerpt is taken from the book ‘ Opportunities to Grow and Glow’ by S.Devaraj. For more information on the book : Click Me!

What happens When an Introvert Marries and Extrovert

Smiling woman leading man down city street

Statistically it has been found that more introverted men go and marry Extraverted women. Not that all I men marry E women, but more of them seem to do so. In a way, it is understandable. At a party, the I man is standing in a corner and in comes the E girl, all fun and frolic, and the I is swept off his feet. And they both say, “We are made for each other.”

Then they get married. And on the first day of the honeymoon the husband says, “I am going to relax, listen to music, watch TV, read a book and just lounge around doing nothing. This is what I call a honeymoon.” The wife shouts, “This is what you call a honeymoon! Let’s go out, do some shopping, go for a movie, go out for dinner, do some sight-seeing.” They wonder what happened. They thought they were meant for each other and a fight begins before the honeymoon starts!

Like many things in life, initially, opposites attract. The E is attracted to the I because he seems to be a deep thinker, seems to have read a lot of books and his comments seem to be incisive. The I is amazed at the social graces of the E; she has something to say to everyone, she puts people at ease.

But once they have to live together, these differences, seen as strengths in the beginning, can start to get on each other’s nerves unless each understands and appreciates the other, until each accepts that the other’s preference is as legitimate as his own.

While all these behavioral differences between Extraverts and Introverts can lead to conflict in marriage, these differences can also be complimentary. Let me just give two examples.

Some times a distant relative who you hardly know drops in. If both the husband and the wife are introverts, nobody will speak to the lady and she will wonder what kind of home she has come into. But, if one is an Extravert, he can carry on a conversation with the visitor while the Introvert can be happy with her book or TV.
Another area where the E and I are complementary is in the matter of expressing emotions. Es are more spontaneous in expressing their feelings. l’s tend to bottle up emotions, specially the so-called negative emotions, and finally one day they burst out. They do what in Transactional Analysis is called psychological coupon-collection. When they are frustrated, angry, or hateful, they keep collecting these coupons in order to cash them later, as many people do with the coupons they get while making purchases from a supermarket.

“This year you forgot my birthday, didn’t you?”— one coupon; “Last week I asked you to buy something for me and you didn’t”— second coupon; “That day you said something bad about me to your brother, didn’t you?”— third coupon.

Then one day she goes off like a soda bottle and you are wondering why she has blown up so violently for such a small thing. It was not just this small thing, it was all the coupons she had been collecting all these past days, months or even years. Once a couple was planning a second honeymoon after twenty years of marriage. The wife announced, “I will be bringing my mother along.” The husband said, “Don’t be silly. We are going on a honeymoon and I don’t want my mother-in-law tagging along.” The wife retorted, “Then why did you bring your mother along on our first honeymoon?” After keeping that coupon for twenty years, she thinks the time has come to make him pay.

If the husband and the wife are both Introverts, they will both keep suppressing their true feelings. But if one is an Extravert, she can act as a catalyst and give a message to the Introvert: “It’s OK to express your feelings. It’s OK to get angry sometimes.”
Which is Better?
Is Extraversion better than Introversion or the other way around? There is nothing better or worse between them. Each has its strengths. The E may be better at talking, the I maybe better at listening; the E may have a lot of experiences, the I may learn more from each experience  because he reflects on them; the E may enjoy Sales, the I limy enjoy Research.

This Excerpt is taken from the book ” Why can’t you be normal like me’ by Joseph Mani. For more information about the book: Click Me!

If you think…

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t!
If you like to win, but think you cant,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost;
Four out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the Man who thinks he can!

This Excerpt is taken from the book ‘How to Boost Your Self-Confidence’ by Shammi Sukh. For more information about the book – Click here!

Designing Empowering Personal Rules

Our personal rules, the dos and don’ts that we follow in our lives, should be empowering and not disempowering. We need to develop personal rules that move us to action and lead us to happiness. We should frame rules that cause us to follow through, not rules that stop us short. We must make rules that are achievable and easy to feel good. If we are to do this, we ought to know the rules we live by. Robbins (1991) has pointed out three primary criteria that would enable us find out whether or not, our personal rules are empowering.

Our rules are empowering, if they

(i) are capable of meeting our goals;

(ii) are within our control; and

(iii) provide more ways to feel good than bad.

When we apply these criteria to our personal rules, we will be able to know whether they are empowering or not. In case we find them unrealistic and disempowering, we must reformulate them in such a way as to make them to work for us and not against us. If our personal rules are empowering ones, they may exhibit some characteristics like:
They would express preferences rather than demands;

They would exhibit a coping emphasis rather than perfectionism;

They are amenable to change in the light of information;

They would lead to a functional rating of specific characteristics, not to global self-rating of our personality.

If we wish the personal rules we frame to be empowering, we have to abide by the dictates of our conscience or our inner rule-book.
Reformulating Personal Rules In case we find that the personal rules that we carry about us are disempowering, we need to reformulate and make them functional. Suppose, we have the following as examples of our personal rules:

1. I must be approved by everyone with whom I come in contact;

2. I don’t like to be criticized by anyone.

The above rules, as we know, are unrealistic, as they are difficult to meet. If you go about with such personal rules, you have every chance of being disappointed and angry. They need to be reformulated in such a way as to be practicable, if they are to be of any use to you. The first of the above two rules you could reformulate as, “Though I prefer to be approved by everyone I come across, it is something unrealistic, since the people are not in any way bound to act the way I wish.” Following similar lines, you can actually reformulate the second rule as “Feedback by way of criticism is important. What I expect from people is to be tactful while criticizing me.”

Thus whenever you find any of your personal rules unrealistic, you need to reformulate them so as to avoid facing rule upsets. At the base of any emotional upset there is a rule upset. The reason for this upset is your unrealistic demand on others. Somebody did something or failed to do something that violated your belief about what he/she, they must do. To avoid such upsets, we need to reformulate our personal rules when they are found unrealistic.

This Excerpt is taken from the book  ‘Broaden your prospects in life’ by Dr K.S. Joseph. For more information about the book: Click Here!

 

Every Failure An Opportunity To Begin Afresh

I am a retired postgraduate teacher in mathematics. As a  student I still remember how I used to take up unsolved problems and enjoy solving them. There were moments when I was unable to get the solution right. Without getting upset or discouraged I used to keep trying until I arrived at a solution.
I looked upon every failure to arrive at the correct solution as a fresh chance to start all over again, not with a gloomy face but with an eager mind, an energetic heart and  an attitude of persistence. Like the great inventor, Thomas Alva Edison, every time I failed to get the answer right I understood which way if I proceeded I wouldn’t be able to get the answer and, like  him again, also used to feel excited and thrilled about starting once again my search for the solution. I always d it a pleasurable exercise. It was more like playing and-seek with the needed solution!

Roger Von Oech, an American speaker, author and toy-maker whose focus has always been on the study of creativity, emphasizes the benefits and advantages of failures and setbacks in a person’s life thus: “Remember the two benefits of failure. First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn’t work; and second, the failure gives you the opportunity to try a new approach.”

Failures are God-given opportunities. Indeed, anything bad that happens in our lives can turn out to our benefit and advantage if we but decide to deal with it on a positive note and with hopeful expectation. Failures must not be looked upon as devil-sponsored tragedies. Like the plants which, if you trim, give out fresh and beautiful shoots, failures too are ready with their stretched out arms to give us fresh opportunities which, if pursued with greater confidence and diligence, are certain to help us succeed to an unbelievable level of excellence.

Henry Ford, an American industrialist, the founder of the Ford Motor Company and sponsor of the development of the assembly line technique of mass production, has this to say regarding failure, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”
Failure is never a proof of our weakness. It is mostly a proof of a weak use of our
strong potentials. Hence our failures must open our eyes to the hugely untapped and untried world of the varied powers, skills, talents and abilities we possess.

This Excerpt is taken from the book ‘Opportunities to Grow and Glow’. If you would like to purchase this book: Click Here!

Positive Self-Talk Promotes Job Performance

If you happen to visit any office, it is common to observe employees experiencing a wide range of positive as well as negative emotions. Emotions are not only an integral part of our work life – be it in office or in business – but these do have a substantial impact on one’s job performance. For example, when an employee is in a bad frame of mind, upset, unhappy, angry or frustrated, the negative emotions tend to “colour” or “blind” his or her rational mind. As the Roman poet, Horace (65-8 BC) rightly puts it, “Anger is temporary insanity.” Impairment of the rational mind has an all-pervasive impact on employees’ job output, reasoning power, decision-making skills, team work, etc.

Studies suggest that negative emotions do have an adverse effect on a person’s output. Misunderstanding, jealousy and conflicts with fellow employees at the workplace lead to frequent fights which in turn result in dirty politics and unproductive and undesirable acts. Studies suggest that people living with positive emotions have better cognitive abilities and they tend to perform better at the workplace and with much greater accuracy. Further, positive emotions foster increased creativity and co-operation amongst employees.

Feelings of jealousy and anger lead to poor relations with colleagues whereas positive emotions induce a helping attitude in people. Positive emotions like enthusiasm and motivation matter a lot as these drive one’s performance. Positive emotions and cordial relations also help in reduced absenteeism from office and fewer employees leaving the organization. Thus, positive emotions are essential to attainment of organizational or business goals.

This Excerpt is taken from the book ‘Positive Self-Talk’ by Shammi Sukh. For more information about the book : Click Me!

Is it not Good to become too Confident ?

To this question the answer is `no’. Self-confidence can be compared to air pressure in a car tyre. When the pressure in the tyre is right, one can drive smoothly along the road. However, if it is too low or too high, one feels all the ‘jerks’ and ‘bumps’, and the journey no longer remains smooth. Self-confidence is that state of mind, which leads to adequate behaviour. If a person becomes too confident or over-confident, his or her behaviour tends to become inadequate again — and hence, more failures. An over-confident person takes it for granted that things would go all right even if he did not exert. A person can save himself from many hard falls by refraining from jumping to conclusions due to over-confidence.
Don’t ever try to cross a bridge unless and until you are sure that there is one. The relationship between self-confidence and success rate is illustrated in Figure 4. This figure shows the effect of different levels of self-confidence on the success rate of an individual.

Figure 4: The Relationship between Self-confidence and Success Rate of an Individual
For example, the chances of achieving success are low when an individual’s self-confidence is low. Increasing confidence level can improve the chances of one’s success. Too much confidence or over-confidence, however, diminishes the chances of one’s success. In general, as the self-confidence increases beyond the level at point B, the chances of success deteriorate.

Hence, too much of confidence or over-confidence is as ‘bad’ or dangerous as low confidence. As is often said: the careful driver stops at a railroad crossing for a minute; the over-confident one, forever!

This Excerpt is taken from the book ‘How to Boost Your Self-Confidence’ by Shammi Sukh. For more information about the book: Click Me!

I Did Not Start to Live Until I Started to Die

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” – Ancient Buddhist Proverb

 
My earliest days as a physician found me in a strange city, away from the security of home for the first time, and filled with both excitement and apprehension for the journey that lay ahead. The title doctor fit much like a new pair of shoes—looking polished to the eye, but feeling uncomfortable and needing wear. Being addressed as “Doctor” would invariably cause me to look about in search of a real physician. Although the memory of medical school graduation was still fresh and vivid, I held no illusions that those years of study had adequately prepared me for the practice of medicine. I had much to learn and I was in a rush, almost a panic, to do so.

As I started internship, I knew that the learning had just begun. It was a different kind of learning. Morning rounds, grand rounds, afternoon rounds—endless hours of rounding and learning patient care firsthand from more experienced physicians. Internship was saturated with the opportunity to learn. Sometimes, the most powerful lessons were those taught by the most unlikely teachers, the patients we cared for. Much of my training as an intern took place during rotations through our local VA hospital. The VA hospital was a great place to learn medicine. It was a bottomless well of those in need, and at the end of the day, even the most inexperienced among us felt the satisfaction of service. It was also an intimidating place, and frustration was an emotion we were taught to master from the moment we walked through the doors. That moment, my first glimpse of the VA hospital, will remain seared in my memory forever.

 
No signage was necessary to identify the building as government designed and operated. It would have been difficult to build a more drab and uninspired structure. With its concrete block walls and paucity of windows, it could have been a prison. Even the large revolving doors spoke of purpose —the rapid movement of people. Those doors opened into a vast, cavernous space. It was not space dedicated to welcome, or even comfort. It was designed for waiting, and it was well used. Windows were spaced along the perimeter of the room. Above each window a sign described the activity that took place there—benefit services, pharmacy services, emergency services, inpatient registration, outpatient clinics, and even pastoral care. A line of men stretched from each window. Certain windows seemed strategically placed to accommodate impressively long lines. Pharmacy, benefits, and outpatient registration seemed to be particularly popular, with hundreds of men waiting their turn for a moment of individuality. In the centre of the room were clustered rows of moulded plastic chairs, more typical of a bus station than a hospital. Here veterans waited their turn to stand in line and wait.

 
It took me a good number of minutes to process the scene before me on that first visit, standing just inside the revolving doors, no doubt with mouth agape. It would not be the last time that day that I would question the wisdom of the path I had selected. How easy it would have been to go back through the doors to a place of safety, familiarity, and comfort. But there was also something fascinating about this strange new world that I had stumbled upon. As I stood among a sea of fathers and grandfathers, I could see my own father and feel his wisdom.

 
He had helped me acquire the title of doctor. What better place to learn to become one? If I had had any fantasies that my days would be consumed with scholarly pursuits and practicing the art of medicine, the VA system was quick to show me reality. It was a hard place for an intern. Many of the support services taken for granted in the community hospital were lacking or absent at the VA. Medical students and interns were an irresistible and well-exploited resource for budget-strapped VA hospital administrators.

 

Much to our chagrin, drawing blood, starting IVs, transporting patients for testing, and even clerical and nursing duties would fill the majority of those early days as doctors. Perhaps, though we were too tired and harried to appreciate it, our daily burdens brought us closer to our patients. It was a humbling revelation that patients would share things with their transporter or phlebotomist that they would never dream of telling their doctor. It was through these eyes that patients were transformed into fathers and grandfathers, men with lives to share and lessons to teach. While it would take many years for me to realize, I encountered my greatest teachers while pushing a stretcher or changing a bed. And so it was with Roger Harrold.

 

I met Mr Harrold for the first time in the Patient Evaluation Area, the VA’s version of the emergency room. His weathered skin and coarse features made him appear older than his sixty-two years. His eyes and soft-spoken way reflected a kind and gentle being, but in those eyes was also a sense of darkness, perhaps even sadness. He had the look of surrender about him, as if his very presence was an admission of personal failure. This was a man unaccustomed to illness and problems that he could not solve himself. Standing by his side was a petite lady with graying hair and facial lines that suggested a perpetual smile. There was no smile that day, only a look of concern, a look that explained her husband’s presence at the hospital.

This Excerpt is taken from the book ‘Dying was the best thing that ever happened to me’ by William E. Hablitzel. To order the book: Click Me!

Stop Fuming And Fretting

Are you a boy or girl who fumes and frets? The word “fume” means to boil up, to blow off, to seethe. The word “fret” is equally descriptive. It has an irritating, annoying, penetrating quality. It is a childish term, reminding you of a fretful baby. The Bible says, “Fret not thyself….” (Psalm 37:1). That is sound advice for the people of our time, young and old. We need to stop fuming and fretting; we need to become peaceful if we are to have power to live effectively.

The character of our thoughts determines the pace at which we live. When the mind goes rushing pell-mell from one feverish idea to another, we become irritable and impatient. This mood produces toxic poisons in the body and creates a sort of emotional illness. We feel frustrated and fume and fret about everything. Such emotional disquiet affects us physically; it even reaches that deeper inner essence of the personality known as the soul. It is impossible to have peace of soul if you live at so feverishly accelerated a pace. God won’t go that fast. He will not endeavor to keep up with you. He says in effect, “Go ahead if you like. When you are worn out, ask for My healing. I can make your life so rich that you will be glad to slow down. Then you will learn to live and move and have your being in Me.”

God moves deliberately and with perfect timing. The wise rate at which to live is at God’s rate. God gets things done, and they are done right. He does them without hurry. He neither fumes nor frets. He is peaceful: and therefore efficient. And He offers us this same peace: “Peace I leave you, My peace I give unto you…” (John 14:27).

One wonders whether this generation is not so accustomed to tension that many are in the unhappy state not being comfortable without it. The deep quietness woods and valleys so well known to our forefathers is an unaccustomed state to them. The tempo of their lives is such that in many instances they have an incapacity to draw upon the sources of peace and quietness which the world  world offers.

This Excerpt is taken from the book  ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale. To Purchase this book: Click Here!