Statistically it has been found that more introverted men go and marry Extraverted women. Not that all I men marry E women, but more of them seem to do so. In a way, it is understandable. At a party, the I man is standing in a corner and in comes the E girl, all fun and frolic, and the I is swept off his feet. And they both say, “We are made for each other.”
Then they get married. And on the first day of the honeymoon the husband says, “I am going to relax, listen to music, watch TV, read a book and just lounge around doing nothing. This is what I call a honeymoon.” The wife shouts, “This is what you call a honeymoon! Let’s go out, do some shopping, go for a movie, go out for dinner, do some sight-seeing.” They wonder what happened. They thought they were meant for each other and a fight begins before the honeymoon starts!
Like many things in life, initially, opposites attract. The E is attracted to the I because he seems to be a deep thinker, seems to have read a lot of books and his comments seem to be incisive. The I is amazed at the social graces of the E; she has something to say to everyone, she puts people at ease.
But once they have to live together, these differences, seen as strengths in the beginning, can start to get on each other’s nerves unless each understands and appreciates the other, until each accepts that the other’s preference is as legitimate as his own.
While all these behavioral differences between Extraverts and Introverts can lead to conflict in marriage, these differences can also be complimentary. Let me just give two examples.
Some times a distant relative who you hardly know drops in. If both the husband and the wife are introverts, nobody will speak to the lady and she will wonder what kind of home she has come into. But, if one is an Extravert, he can carry on a conversation with the visitor while the Introvert can be happy with her book or TV.
Another area where the E and I are complementary is in the matter of expressing emotions. Es are more spontaneous in expressing their feelings. l’s tend to bottle up emotions, specially the so-called negative emotions, and finally one day they burst out. They do what in Transactional Analysis is called psychological coupon-collection. When they are frustrated, angry, or hateful, they keep collecting these coupons in order to cash them later, as many people do with the coupons they get while making purchases from a supermarket.
“This year you forgot my birthday, didn’t you?”— one coupon; “Last week I asked you to buy something for me and you didn’t”— second coupon; “That day you said something bad about me to your brother, didn’t you?”— third coupon.
Then one day she goes off like a soda bottle and you are wondering why she has blown up so violently for such a small thing. It was not just this small thing, it was all the coupons she had been collecting all these past days, months or even years. Once a couple was planning a second honeymoon after twenty years of marriage. The wife announced, “I will be bringing my mother along.” The husband said, “Don’t be silly. We are going on a honeymoon and I don’t want my mother-in-law tagging along.” The wife retorted, “Then why did you bring your mother along on our first honeymoon?” After keeping that coupon for twenty years, she thinks the time has come to make him pay.
If the husband and the wife are both Introverts, they will both keep suppressing their true feelings. But if one is an Extravert, she can act as a catalyst and give a message to the Introvert: “It’s OK to express your feelings. It’s OK to get angry sometimes.”
Which is Better?
Is Extraversion better than Introversion or the other way around? There is nothing better or worse between them. Each has its strengths. The E may be better at talking, the I maybe better at listening; the E may have a lot of experiences, the I may learn more from each experience because he reflects on them; the E may enjoy Sales, the I limy enjoy Research.
This Excerpt is taken from the book ” Why can’t you be normal like me’ by Joseph Mani. For more information about the book: Click Me!
BETTER YOURSELF BOOKS 